


Knowing and Understanding

by edenbound



Series: Asexual Steve [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:05:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1942251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenbound/pseuds/edenbound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't matter what Tony knows about Steve's sexuality, it's still a shock to confront it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing and Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> This is not happy fluffy ace!Steve fic. That will exist, but this isn't it. This is Tony confronting what Steve really meant when he said he's ace, and acknowledging he needs to do more research. This is asexuality not being some easy way out, but part of a complex relationship.

Tony’s gorgeous like this, his focus narrowed down just to Steve, lip caught between his teeth as he grinds deep into him. He’s as determined as Steve’s ever seen him, and Steve loves it, loves that he matters this much to Tony, loves that despite everything they’ve talked about, Tony’s not giving up on him, even when it comes to sex. Steve holds him close, kisses him, makes pleased noises against his skin and into his ear, feeling warm, warm and cherished, _wanted_.

Which is why he hates it so much when Tony stills suddenly, his eyes narrowing in — hurt? Steve thinks it’s hurt, and it makes his chest constrict.

"You’re not — "

"I know," Steve says, quickly. "I told you. The physical stuff, it’s not — I don’t have to be hard to enjoy it, Tony. That’s not why I like it."

Tony pulls out of him, though, sits back. Steve feels cold without the heat of Tony’s body against his. “You weren’t enjoying it, were you?”

"Not the way you were." Steve sits up, moves closer to Tony. Runs a hand over his side. "But I enjoy you being close, I like seeing you — "

"You were at first, though."

Steve lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I… Like I told you, I usually react normally to physical stimulation. But if I don’t — I don’t know, Tony, it just happens sometimes. It doesn’t mean I don’t want you, it doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it. I’m just… not a sexual person. You knew that already. This doesn’t change anything.”

"I thought," and there’s something uncertain in Tony’s voice which is awful to hear, "I thought you wanted me."

There’s no answer to that but to wrap Tony up in his arms and kiss him, kiss his mouth, his jaw, the ridge of his brows. “I do, Tony. I do. Just not the exact same way you want me. I thought that was alright? I thought you… I thought you understood.”

"Did you know it was going to be like this?"

Steve swallows back a surge of remembered hurt, the memory of Bucky’s face when they made love. “Yes.”

"You should’ve told me."

"I thought I did."

Tony pulls out of his arms with a jerk. “I need to think about this.” He pauses, seeing Steve’s face, and takes a deep breath. “Look, it’s not — this isn’t the end, don’t think I’m letting you go this easily. I just want to do some research about people like you, see what Jarvis can find me. I want to understand it. I want to make this good for you too. If it’s not, it’s like, like forcing you and that’s never been a thing I’m okay with, never.”

"I know," Steve says, gently. "I know."

It’s still awfully cold without Tony beside him, and Steve can’t help the lump in his throat when Tony turns, grabs up his clothes, and heads for his workshop. He knows Tony does his best thinking there, knows that Tony wouldn’t lie about wanting to do the research, that Tony wouldn’t let something he wants go like that. But it still hurts, alone in the bed, feeling like a failure because he can’t give the man he loves what he wants. It’s still cold.

Steve gets up and goes to spend time with the punching bag instead. He feels drained before he even starts, but he knows he’s not going to sleep, and the impact of his fists on the bag drives away thought for a while.


End file.
